Learning to Let Go; A Personal Journey of Friendship and Loss

As winter quickly approaches, I am left with the stain of Summer left on my mind. I am already longing for summer nights again and fresh fruit from the Farmer's Market. Unfortunately, our days have become shorter, our nights colder, and there has already been slick ice and bitterly cold air to stop me dead in my tracks.



The warmth of summer is frozen under sheets of ice. Bare trees stand naked and vulnerable, the Dark half of the year is upon us, and the annual death and rebirth cycle has been completed. And even though this past year has been very good to me, and my family, I cannot shake the loss that I endured recently. A life-long friend of mine for 25 years, betrayed my trust and my friendship, forcing me to sever all ties to her and her children. I have never had to physically remove a person from my life like that, it was sudden, and completely uncalled for. However, it was the only way to let go and move on, from the chaos she had chosen to bring into my life.

But, I haven't been unable to move on. I haven't yet forgiven her, so that I can have peace. I still have anger and hurt towards her, and the things that she did, the selfish things, that she didn't even seem to care who she hurt. I know I shouldn't feel guilty for the actions of another person. But something inside me is keeping me from moving past this, It keeps telling me that it is unfinished. I want more than anything, to stand before her, shake her awake, and make her see what she has done. Make her feel what I feel. I know better though. I know she will never see my side. She will never hurt the way I am hurt. So I will probably never have a chance at releasing the energy I have, swirling around this sore, raw topic.

So what do I do with that energy?? How to I turn it into something positive and release it? I have done releasing spells, letting her go from my life, and wishing her only the best. but deep down I know it has only been on the surface. I haven't really  put my intent out into the universe 100%. I do sincerely wish her only the best though. I want more than anything for her to find happiness in her life, a life that she can feel alive in once again, after years of loneliness. But I also wish for her to find happiness in a life that she can be honest in. Honest to herself. I suppose though, that that makes me selfish to think that way. It's not about what I want for her. It's about what she wants for herself. It's about the actions and choices in her own life, that she will make and live with, to find her own personal happiness.   

One of the main foundations of Wicca, taken directly from the Wiccan Rede is, 'An it harm none, do what thou will'. I strive to follow this on a daily basis, constantly reminding myself to watch my actions, so that I do not harm another person, or animal, or spirit. I know there are times when morals and values stand in the way, and harming another person seems small compared to the larger picture. it is still, non-the-less, a constant in my life, and something I take very seriously. Which is why, I suppose, that I took my friend's actions so personal. She's not Wiccan, and has never really studied the path. She's never really taken the time to fully understand my views, or my faith. It hurts my feelings that she never cared to, and in the past she has even made remarks about it, in her mind to be funny, but in my mind I knew she was only speaking her truth about how she felt about a non-Christian way of life.

She will always, however, be my childhood best friend. I will always remember the good memories we made as children, the inside jokes that no one else understood, and probably never will. We were there for each other during a time of innocence and growth, when we needed each other the most, and I will never forget that. Life has a funny way of catching up with people. Our friends and family grow up, into their own ways of life. They move away and get married. Have children. And the old personalities, the old friends that you knew, get shed away, like snake skin. Leaving a fresh person standing before you that you don't even recognize. A person that is full of new ideas and perspectives.





 We must all walk along our own paths, and see things in our light. That is the way it is intended to be. That is how the cycle must go. Always and for eternity. There is no stopping it, or slowing it down, or even reversing it. The cycle of death and rebirth will always be. Old relationships must die, before new ones can begin to grow and flourish. Accept that into your heart, and you will always be moving forward, as you are meant to. And never feel guilty for being yourself. No matter who may say harsh things, and false assumptions. NEVER feel guilty for being honest, because the people who truly love you, and understand you, would never want you to settle for second best. Namaste.   

Bunnies Warm the Heart